Backstreet Boys
Unbreakable
hrough the lush popscape of the Backstreet Boys’ vocally fertile forests in their comeback album Unbreakable speed questions with the urgency of does at the mercy of bloodlusty hounds: 1. Backstreet’s back? Really? 2. And they spent a year and a half in the studio with legendary pop songwriters and producers? 3. So why do tracks like “Inconsolable” and “Something That I Already Know” have the same chorus relative within a half-step? 4. Since when did the Boys come to Jesus, or at least to His godforsaken form of popular music? 5. And why, oh why are there only four of them now?
Some answers:
1. Actually, Backstreet’s back again. In all fairness, Unbreakable, the Boys’ sixth full-length release (including a greatest hits anthology), is a comeback-comeback album—2005’s forgettable Never Gone was the group’s poorly received first effort to return to the glory days of Backstreet Boys (1997) and Millennium (1999), or even the lesser times of Black and Blue (2000). Tragically pooh-poohed by critics and fans alike, Never Gone’s hubris demonstrated the once-mighty Backstreet Boys’ arrogance in thinking the pop-hungry public would allow them to get over the ’90s. Like any self-respecting supposed former Backstreet junkie, I’m willing to pretend that Never Gone was never there. But that means their hiatus technically lasted from 2002-present, which means they should be able to shore up something worth remembering seventh grade for.
2. Yes, even with a super-pop team-up of everyone from Kelly Clarkson’s producers to J. C. Chasez of N*Stink (oh!) fame, Unbreakable offers a lot of super-mediocre pop goulash. Whilst the impulse to cram the album with as many impressive elements as possible is natural for a group with as many critics and lost fans as BSB, many tracks come across as schizophrenic. “Helpless When She Smiles,” given the golden touch by Grammy-winner John Shanks (producer to Sheryl Crow, Bon Jovi, and other people who are currently more bank than our Boys), is a prime example of too many good ideas condensed into three head-spinning minutes. The chorus alone moves from minor to major to minor; each movement, if contained and developed, could have been a great pop single, but the result leaves nostalgia-seeking listeners longing for the simpler days of either the sweet, sweet saccharine (“As Long As You Love Me”) or the dirrrty (“We’ve Got It Goin’ On”! ).
3. That even with so many talented pop music maestros on board they dared cut two tracks that sound like they could be each other’s remixes is a travesty. But, come on, the fact that they put them back to back on the album is just moronic.
4. The only songs that don’t sound crazy instead sound like Adult Contemporary Christian Rock. Sure, Brian “The Redhead” Littrell has made a side career out of Jesus music, but bringing it to the Backstreet sucks.
5. Kevin Richardson, arguably the second most useless member of the Backstreet Boys after what’s-his-face (Howard “Howie” Dorough), has left the band. His absence will cause much heartfelt head-scratching until Nick Carter’s next solo. In an alternate universe (kevinrichardson.com), one ex-fan writes, “We are really disappointed in you. We don’t know and we could not understand the reason why you’re leaving the BSB. I just wanna tell you one thing about me: The BSB were the only sureness in my life. Thank you Kevin, now I don’t have any.” The true pathos lies in the fact that those lines are more interesting, compelling, and cogent than any in the liner notes.
One last question: What happened to the Backstreet Boys? They used to be whiny, pubescent, color-coordinated, and awesome. Sorry, kids, but the genius of the Backstreet really did die back with middle school crushes. Backstreet has matured and grown in individual talent as singers and songwriters, but they need to rethink and tighten their overall sound. So yes, Backstreet’s back...and it’s just alrig
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